Sexuality and Existential Crisis-- A Grad School Fete

It's gender and sexuality week, everyone. Time to push yourself to the brink of confusion and depression thinking about gender, sexuality, what these things are, what these things mean...
*My reading homework for the weekend deals with the performance of gender and sexuality--are these things a social construct made up from a series of choices that become normative after being repeated, or are they a biological imperative, or something else...
*Tomorrow in class a group of girls and I will "perform" our femininity--after being told how odd that will be because we are "not feminine."
*Also, today was the Equality March, on the 30 year anniversary of the first march on Washington for equal rights, as Obama pledges to remove "don't ask don't tell" and reinstate those who have been discharged from the military. This comes as the house has just passed legislation to expand the definition of what constitutes a hate crime, the bill named in part for Matthew Shepard. Which bring us to.....
*The killing of Mathew Shepard, memorialized in The Laramie Project, has its 11 year anniversary tomorrow, with a performance at UMD (and other places around the country, linked together telematically with the Tectonic Theatre Project who created the original piece) called (appropriately enough) The Laramie Project: 10 Years Later. And that rat bastard motherfucker (sorry for the language, Mom and Dad) Fred Phelps lovin so called "church" group protesters will be at UMD tomorrow to protest. Glad there is an ocean in between me and it, cause I've dented a few walls in my angriest moments, so I'd make a bad silent peaceful counter-protester. I read that man's name and I get choked up.
*For good measure, also in the sexuality issued theatre world, Angels in America is still running a hop skip and a jump from UMD at Round House.
*And in the world of emasculation, couldn't either the Ravens or the Redskins cut me a break and win today??

So, that's where my head is at. No wonder I can't get my homework finished. I am all mixed up. Do I go out and put on makeup and act girly and wear a dress and heels tomorrow to revel in my femininity and sexy girliness? Do I have a drag day, or change my facebook profile picture to one of the many of me giving my best girlfriend a kiss, because I can do whatever I want and express whatever I want and people can interpret that however they want? What do I do about ballroom, in which girls are supposed to be hyper-feminine, the best skill being that of a "good follower" in which one does exactly what the man wants perfectly at all times--and we're not just talking about doing the steps he wants, but, like, every weight change of every step being exactly as the man directs, where and how fast the man directs, and never before his own step? What do I do when a nice polite British boy pulls out my chair, or ask my permission if he can walk me home? What do I do when someone asks to buy my drink, or, heaven forbid, take me out on a date?! How do I interpret these things? How does one begin to think about this stuff without experiencing an existential crisis!?

DAMN YOU GRAD SCHOOL! I really really need a hug. I miss being home a lot today.


In the shout out world, the best of all news, my awesome cousin Jono and his lovely sweet wife Anna had their second baby on Friday, his name is Julian. All are happy and healthy. I guess it's fine to go crazy in one's own head space every now and again, as long as one comes back to what is real and in front of them and really truly important. Who cares about whether I wear heels or yucky old tennis shoes, and whether one is feminine and one isn't. I have a great family and friends.