How to make bad peanut brittle

I'd like to tell you how to make perfect peanut brittle. I've been on a quest for weeks now, and I really should know. I found a recipe in my amazing cookbook, and he raved about how easy it was to make. I had a whole mess of sugar to use up, so it seemed like a perfect thing to try. Seven batches later, I know all the ways to make bad peanut brittle (and good peanuts in caramel) so I'll share what I've learned. I was just trying to empty my cupboard, now I can't count how many random shopping trips I've made for supplies to continue my obsession. I should have bought stock in sugar and peanuts. I have zero disposable income, but I'm a woman on a mission, and I can't stop buying them until I've triumphed. At least I have something to show for it... sorta. Can I be a peanut brittle expert even though I've not perfected it yet?

England doesn't have corn syrup. Some recipes say you can use honey instead. You can't. Some say you can use golden syrup. You can't. Get corn syrup. I have a hunch it will save you lots of trouble. I will try it out if I ever get home, but until then I've had the best results from sugar. These recipes all feature just 3 things: sugar, water, peanuts. Put the sugar and water into a sauce pan and heat. Some recipes don't tell you to not stir. Don't stir! I know it makes no sense, but don't. I've been working with a recipe using 1/3cup water and 2 cups sugar. By book says boil 5-10 minutes. Liar. Its more like 25. And I now have a candy thermometer, thank you Mama Higs! Recipes tell you to heat the sugar water to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. All lies. I did that on batch number seven, and it wasn't nearly hot enough. Its a battle striking the balance between keeping the heat low enough to not burn (dark color, strong burnt sugar smell) but high enough to dissolve the sugar (golden color, just smells like sugar). It'll have a crumbly hard-ish surface that is slightly inflexible, but underneath should be basically molten. Don't take it off too early, you want to push it up right until it would start to burn, otherwise it comes out cloudy and gritty and depressing.

If you've successfully gotten to this point, you are a better candy chef than me, and I hate you a little. But, now turn off the heat and add your peanuts. Most recipes give about a 1:1 ratio of sugar to peanuts. Full of lies. I suggest 2 cups sugar to 1 1/3 cups peanuts. I recommend salted peanuts, and wouldn't discourage tossing in a tiiiiiny bit of extra salt. Then I throw in my own additional ingredient, vanilla extract. Without it I think its a smidge boring, this is just a little more fun. Mix it all together, pour it on a greased baking sheet, and then let cool.

Did it work?? I bet it did. You jerk.

Shout out to Mama Higs, who gives me all the best kitchen gadgets to help me in my various windmill chasing quests. This showdown between me and the brittle isn't over yet. Oh no, not over yet.